-inkwriter
Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away-- oh, to heck with all that. So there is this school called ConVal. It’s in a small town that no one has ever heard of so it doesn't matter. The reason I'm writing this story is because we all needed an explanation for why freshman are often thrown into a pond behind the school. That’s why I was summoned from the depths of hell with dark magic: to tell the story of Freshman Pond. I am actually an exchange student. So far I am enjoying your little uplandish providence of this dimension.
*clears throat*
It was a dark time in the kingdom of ConVal. The pond of drainage, which offered peace and acted as a wellspring of magical powers, was plagued by a large, magical fish. This fish’s name was Toby, or -- no it wasn't! It was… ummm… well, I actually don’t know. Just because I’m a demon from hell doesn't mean I know everything!!! Oh, sure, have great expectations for the demon just because hell has really good public schools. Okay. Anyways, so this fish just shows up one day and is all like, “FEED ME SERFS!!!”
The Pope of ConVal is like, “No way, man. We’re using those serfs. We kind of need them.” And then the fish is like,
“IF YOU DON’T FEED ME A SERF EVERY YEAR FROM NOW ON UNTIL THE END OF TIME THEN I WILL DESTROY YOUR KINGDOM!!!” And then the Pope wa-- Hey! Don’t just walk away while I’m talking!! What, you don’t believe me!? You think I’m crazy?! I was there, for Satan’s sake!!! I saw the whole -- NO! NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME!! DON’T MAKE ME SUMMON THE BATSNAKES!!! YOU SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW AND LISTEN TO MY STORY, DANG IT!!!
So. Like I was saying before I was so RUDELY interrupted, the Pope was all like, “HA, HA, HA!!!! You’re just a giant fish!! You don’t even have legs!!! How are you going to get to the kingdom?”
And then the fish was all like, “B**ch, I got legs!” and he jumped out of the water and began to run towards the school. Now, the Pope was pretty shocked, seeing as Darwinism had not yet been invented at this time. So he started running after the fis-- what was that? Oh, ha ha. Very clever. Yes, the fish’s name was Darwin. That was cute. Good job.
SO ANYWAYS, the Pope is running after the fish and shouting, “WAIT! STOP! WE’LL FEED YOU ALL THE SERFS YOU WANT!!! JUST DON’T DESTROY THE KINGDOM!!!”
And the fish said, “Very well, lowly carbon-based being. I shall not destroy your kingdom.” And he skipped back down towards the lake of drainage and plopped down into the murky depths, awaiting his yearly meal.
So that is why, year after year, the council of ConVal (often referred to as the football team) yearly tosses a serf (often referred to as a freshman) into the magical pond of drainage.
FIN.
*(That was not a pun)*